Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Not unlike a teddy bear
On my bed
She told me,
Staring at her palms,
That she missed me,
Had been missing me
After the honeymoon,
Years ago,
Arguments like pinpricks
Quickly healed
She feared turning into
What she grew up with;
Roommates with rings
Bound by child
When Dragons Die
Fire and Water
Foresight
Food for Thought:
What do you think my point is? Do I make if effectively?
Does the form suit the poem?
Are there any passages that are particularly effective? Ineffective?
As well as anything else you might want to mention!
Hi, there! This is a critique for 
Since you've already asked for specific feedback, my critique will be responding to those questions in order.
From what I can tell, this poem's about a marriage that is in danger of falling apart- or maybe that it has fallen apart, but the people involved are trying to undo the damage. The point of the poem is slightly ambiguous, but that doesn't take away from the reader's enjoyment of it. One way that you could clarify the situation is to give the reader a hint in the poem's title: “Separation”, for example, if the marriage is going south, or “Reunion” if the couple has met to work things out. This way, you won't need to tamper with the poem itself.
The form of the poem is a good fit for the subject- it allows for the emotions of the scene to stand out on their own, instead of being secondary to a structure that requires rhyming or a certain number of syllables.
The most effective part of this piece is definitely its final two lines. You have managed to describe a common but terrible family situation (and a character's personal history) with a few simple words. These final lines give the reader a sense of how high the stakes are in this relationship. These lines are very impressive, and really stood out to me.
This is a well-crafted piece that has an even better-crafted ending. Very good work!